February 2012
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Words With Friends.
A dude I went to high school with just asked me if I was “looking up words” because I played “jinxes” for 117 points.
Bitch, please. Jinx is on every other page of Harry Potter. Plus I’m well-read.
I also played: sloe (as in sloe gin fizz — girl’s gotta know her booze), diets, hinted, canoes, tuts and jade.
Yes. Brain-smashers, every single one.
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Republicans: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Republicans: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Republicans: No.
The Oscars.
I just can’t muster up any enthusiasm for them. None. Not even for the outfits.
I know. I need to hand in my Tumblr card. Who wants to go to a monster truck rally instead?
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Airline lets you pick a seatmate using Facebook →
KLM Airlines has launched a program that allows you to choose your seatmate based on their Facebook or LinkedIn profile, hopefully preventing those awkward boarding gate staredowns when you silently hope you’re not beside the guy who’s singing along with his iPod. The program, called “Meet and Seat,” is available on flights between Amsterdam and New York and San Francisco...
Go Shit In Your Mitten.
Is one of my all-time favorite phrases/insults. My sister just commented that it’s one of hers too.
The first time I heard it, it was from this bad-ass Hells Angel that I know who looks ferocious but is really a big-old softie.
Just hearing him say “I told them to go shit in their mittens” with his bald head and mean scowl and millions of tattoos made me giggle endlessly. Every...
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Not Just Me.
So after I got yelled at, I found out the woman who yelled at me has been barred from Whole Foods because she is a mean, crazy, awful person.
Ha! It’s not just me that she hates. Huzzah!! Every single other person on the planet unite.
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You Get More With Sugar ...
I just got fucking SCREAMED at by someone on the phone. Honestly, do people not get that being polite will get you way farther?
This person’s issue just sank to the bottom of my to-do list. Right after the following:
Stare off into space.
Read the entire series recaps from “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.”
Determine finally which came first: the chicken or the egg.
Drink.
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Pumpernickel Bread.
I find it delicious toasted and buttered up.
My co-worker just told me it’s “old lady-ish.”
He’s a jackass who clearly has no taste.
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So I Did It.
I figured — what the hell. If I hate them it was free shipping and I return at Sears for no charge.
Also — you people are such bad influences. I love each and every one of you.
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Cardigans.
I wear them to work. A LOT.
So I was perusing Lands End — the sale rack of course and I have four in my shopping cart for under $100 and free shipping.
Should I pull the trigger? Guide me Tumblr.
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Almost Quitting Time.
And I can finally feel the heat in my office and my frozen claw hands are finally beginning to unfurl. Super HVAC skills people.
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Happy Fat Tuesday!
Or, if you live in my world, every Tuesday is Fat Tuesday. The life of HB also features Fat Monday, Fat Wednesday, Fat Thursday, etc.
This Is Shaping Up To Be A Multiple Cups Of Coffee...
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“If the unions win the recall, there will be no stopping union power.”
– Billionaire David Koch • Speaking about the Wisconsin recall efforts against Gov. Scott Walker. Koch made the comments during a recent speech after a benefit dinner, and were quickly backtracked by his spokeswoman, who clarified, “[Koch Industries thinks] the best workplace relationships are...
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pleasedontsqueezetheshaman:
If there’s any justice in this world, some day Rick Santorum’s appendix will burst and a female doctor will insist he not be treated promptly, but have a giant camera wand shoved up his ass so he can watch a video until he admits that he feels properly guilty about eating food.
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PMS -- Making Me An Idiot Since 1984.
The symptoms are never all the same and vary from month to month but include:
Achy joints
Migraines
Sit-comish levels of clumsiness
Heartburn
Anxiety
Random brain stoppages — a.k.a Extreme Stupidity
Boobs made of concrete
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Behind Every Good Man...
Stands a good woman. Sigh ….
I went to a retirement party last night and at least 14 of the 16 speakers said some variation of this.
Can’t we update this? Please.
How about:
BESIDE every good man stands a good woman? Or even better — BESIDE every good man stands a good partner? BESIDE every good woman stands a good partner?
Or should I just drink more at retirement parties...